I found it

I have found it. I have found what I was looking for...well a piece of it anyway. And I am so excited! Praise the Lord! I understand it was only by God's grace, mercy, and love I have made it this far. Glory to God!!!! I bless your name Jesus! From Oak Drive in Mobile, living depressed and oppressed and beat down. From being very insecure and suicidal...and having a minor eating disorder. Thank you Jesus! From sexually molested and sexually confused and sexually violated. Thank you Jesus! From fights with my mama and crying and praying and whelp marks and bruises. Thank you Jesus! From fighting to maintain my sanity thinking I was losing my mind. From isolation and loneliness, motherless, and fatherless....Thank you Jesus!!! From struggling with self acceptance and confidence. And men loving me....and loving my self. From Sexual transmitted diseases and rape, and alcohol. Thank you Jesus! From struggling with grades and not being smart and not having money. Not having clothes, not having food....Thank you Jesus. From friends leaving me and talking about me. Thank you Jesus. From being rejection and dealing with not being good enough. Struggling to graduate from college. Fighting to get into Graduate school....and moving to a new city. Dealing with loneliness in a big city and being the only Black in the program. Thank you Jesus! Going through the death of my father, dealing with suicidal thoughts, loss of my dreams, wanting to give up...but Thanks be to God....I made it. I never would have made it from the depths of Mobile off of St. Stephens Road to the hill sides of Boston on Charles Street. Praise God. I never would have made it without God. He is the source of everything I am and I have become. I love Kafond but Thank you Jesus....I love God more!!! I love my grandma but Thank you Jesus I love God more. Every breath I take I am reminded on how I am blessed just to breathe right now. Because if it was up to me, up the the enemy I would have taken those pills....but Thank you Jesus. I didn't and I'm still here! I'm still here! I'm still here. I been knocked down, beat down, tore down, ran over, kicked, left for dead...BUT GOD! I been talked about, laughed at, criticize, dogged out, lied on....BUT GOD! I been mis-understood, ignored, dissed....BUT GOD! GOD HAD A PLAN. He had a plan the whole time and I am so thankful. I bless God....cause I'm still standing. He's so good. And I love him. I found it..

This is how I feel

My soul cries out for his touch
Love him so much; my stomach is filled with that feeling when you’re on top of the Ferris wheel looking at the city
Yeah, I feel high
He is to me what hope is to America
An unexplainable part of me that I need
I feel him when I feel nothing
His hands hold the bottom of me
And with a snap he finds the essence of me
Ya’ll he bad
Got me and I didn’t know I was had
Licks the core of my thoughts
Speak the same words when we talk
Looking in him I get lost
Between deep thoughts, Alpha stepping, loving, dedication, direction, determination, respect, honor, integrity, softness of mocha skin
Whispers that bury themselves within
Just a few things…. you feel me
What he is to me…. really I don’t know where to begin
About this man, my lover, my husband, my best friend.
I tell him this all the time but just don’t want my words to be letters together in the air
So I decided to write about the best damn man I ever saw
Lovely is what comes to mind when I look at the sight of you
You are who you are to me, and love me for me through me,
Makes me see me the way you see
You see, you are the epitome of a Black man
Understanding, giving, able to love me all taught from your father’s hand.
Got his mentality and stance
Hell, I honor the man for shaping you for me.
Had no idea he was preparing you for J.P. in 93.
When you touch me I instantly go to a place where you are
I can be in the depth of our love eternally.
Never felt like this
This love shit got me thinking and feeling differently about life
Man, it’s a trip even the things not to like I love
Like your morning breath taste sweet
Get lost in your lashes
Kiss the scratches on your back
Like how your fingers shaped
Take the memories of you wrap them up and with them I lay
Toss and turn in the thought of you
Moments we had doesn’t involve others, we have nothing to prove
I live to feel you again
You make me breathe in air
Like life out of water
Over mediocre bullshit other niggas provide
You change everything in me from your first line
Your smile
Your eyes
Your kisses
Your whispers
You
that lives in you has changed the me into a we
And I will never leave
I have never felt like this
You
I can just continue talking about this
Like light at the end of the tunnel
I keep moving
Like the definition of a woman I can live
Like promises from my father
I can hear
Like Love & Basketball love scene
Like Love Jones and Brown Sugar love theme
Like Color Purple freeing
Like Coltrane, Davis, Nina Simone vibing
Like Cool n the Gang, Gap Band electrifying
Like the emancipation of slaves librating
Like Amsted revolting
You make me feel tingles, tears, cuts, and hugs
You make me feel alive
I’m alive from the sincerity in your eyes
I’m living from a tickle tip down my spine
You a drug I will never recover from
You are an addiction I will never get through
You are a poem I will never conclude
You are on going
Ever living in me got me writing a whole different style of poetry
Went from writing he ain’t shit to He the Shit and I can’t live without it
Took me and in a month undone every cut every punch every other man gave
The SUPER in my life decked out in his Black and Gold Cape
My hero
Lifted me up to a place with nothing more than a kiss to my face
Lying on your chest is comfort to me
My thighs are pillows for your aching head
And I will be that bed for you
Lie down have you find peace in the deepness in me
I am your therapy
In love with the love of you
Can’t stand being away from you
Ain’t shit we can’t go through
Vulnerable and I’m o.k. With it
Cause I know you have your arms around me
The butterflies in my stomach are your fingertips.
I love you…